Unsolicted and Unwanted

When Friend and I opened our first production company, we were struggling just like any new business. We had a little bit of cash saved up from our script sale, but we really didn’t have the money to get any extras. We had to pick where to spend our money and where not to. We rented a small space on Wilshire and we followed the motto that your office is in your head.

That’s why we constantly went to the talent instead of them coming to us. We spent all of our money on nice suits and fancy leased cars. Friend and I don’t believe in the whole producers and directors dress like shit theory. We treated our image the way that agents do and sold ourselves to ever person that came through our doors. As the money slowly started coming in, we started doing maintenance in the office to make the conference room look better. After much work, we had a kick ass conference room and lobby. Our personal offices looked like something out of the projects, but we knew that we could avoid anyone ever going in there. In the beginning we had friends come in and pose as secretaries until we figured out this whole give college credit deal where you didn’t have to pay people to work for you. Amazing.

We had written our fair share of scripts but we needed more material to take to the studios. Friend and I were busy trying to get a production company off the ground and that greatly decreased any writing time that we had before. We were busy spending our last cents on nine dollar drinks at the bar and picking up the tab on drinks after work. So, we did what every young non investment-backed production company does. We took out an ad in the trades and on internet classified sites looking for new material. We were hoping to find some hot young writer that was undiscovered and putting out genius material. We learned our lesson. Below is the ad put in the paper and some of the material we received.

New start up production company looking for material to option and take to the studios. Only serious inquiries please.

Three dogs find there way through the depths of Africa all with celebrity voices such as Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise.

Six men fall in love with the same gal all while trying to find a lost diamond at a water park.

A young man has a genie grant his wish to be older than he really is. (think I’ve heard this one before)

A guy and a girl fall in love in front of the moonlight but the kicker is that they are both gay.

A taxi cab driver becomes a Nascar Racer after his license is revoked.

Two chickens discover that their favorite food is…chicken. Voiced by celebrity voices such as Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise.

A pastor on the run must find a secret treasure while saving the world with his message.

A lawyer takes the bar exam, but it’s not really the bar exam. It’s the bartenders exam and then he gets embarrassed.

A weatherman has trouble predicting the weather after he gets caught in the weather.

A cow is exiled from his cow family after he discovers that he is gay. Voiced by celebrity actors such as Ellen or Elton John.

A dog is embarrassed after he learns that his tail is not actually his penis.

LD