Obsession

I became obsessed with working in the entertainment industry in college. I used to be obsessed with being famous but the more I thought it about it, the more I realized that I didn’t want to be famous, I wanted to be noticed. We all want to be noticed for what we do that makes us stand out from everyone else. If all we wanted was to be famous, we’d go shoot up a local gas station to get our fifteen minutes.

When I was developing my strategy for my career in Hollywood, I never thought I would care about an Oscar. I always wanted to write and make comedy movies, but after the desire for money and laughs go away, you’re stuck with wanting more. I wanted to get noticed not just by people with a need to laugh, but by people that knew movies and knew great movies.

Friend and I were not surprised when we got our first Oscar nomination. It didn’t sneak up on us when we weren’t expecting it. We made the movie with the intention of winning an Oscar. No, we didn’t make a strong themed movie like Brokeback Mountain in the hopes of just being different. We made a movie that was real. We made a movie that was so real that it could have passed for a diary of my life.

It was the easiest movie I had ever written because I no longer had to guess what a character felt or what type of music he liked to listen to. I simply looked back at the notes that I had jotted down when going through the worst time of my life and constructed them into a visual story. At the time I was going through it, I never thought that I would actually appreciate the hell that I had to go through. But at the end of the day, I realized that it made me strong and it solidified my career in the entertainment industry.

If you want to turn your struggle into a movie, please send ten thousand dollars to Studio X along with your struggle. We’ll get back to you.

LD

And Twins

I had my assistant set me up a lunch with the Olsen Twins. I was in the mood for sushi. I started the conversation with the twins by saying, “Listen, I’m going to win one of you an Oscar. I don’t care which one of you it is, just decide later and let me know.” This town can get upset with me if they want, but I am sick of them both showing up on set to play one character. They split the scenes, do half the work, and take home twice the money. Fuck that. I’m ready to do a movie that breaks up the monotony of a single fertilized egg splitting into two.

They didn’t act like it during the lunch, but I have a feeling that they are both secretly jazzed about the opportunity to escape their all of the sudden not so interesting lives. They’re twins, we get it…and now were over it. They have to be sick of doing movies together anyways. How old would it get to continue hearing different variations of this pitch: “Ok, you two play twin sisters on the cheerleading squad and you have both fallen for the captain of the football team and he cant tell you apart and… NEXT!

I really hope that one of them just isn’t in the mood for signing contracts this week. I’d hate to have to audition them both for the same part. How awkward would that be? It’s not like I can tell Mary-Kate that she didn’t have the look I was going for, she competed against an exact replica. Personally, I like the ring “Ashley Olsen” has to it better, but it’s unfair for me to take that kind of bias just because I know they will call out her name in the Kodak Theater come February. I guess it would be more diplomatic to just flip a coin.

AJ