Traff-Tastrophe

Hello Readers,

It’s the other Friend here with yet another Hollywoodless blog. Keep your heads up though, this Strike will end sooner or later, and when it does… I promise we will Hollywood the living shit out you. Yeah, and you didn’t even know that Hollywood could be used as a verb. It can.

Driving in LA isn’t as bad as everyone says. The people that talk about how horrible it is fall into 2 categories: 1. People that have never actually been here, and just go off what someone else says (that “someone” has probably also never been here) and 2. Asians.


If you’ve lived in LA your whole life, the traffic is no big deal. You’re used to it. It’s the people that move here from small towns that we have to worry about. They are the ones giving us the bad reputation. I moved here from a town with less than one hundred thousand people. I could get from my house to anywhere else in the city in less than 10 minutes. True Story. Once I got here, small trips took a bit longer. I adapted with no fuss because those “small trips” were to more exciting places than the ones back home. There, I could make it to the McDonalds and back home in about seven minutes. As record breaking as that may sound, I would much rather be here spending an extra twenty-five minutes driving to a place where I can eat top-notch sushi off a naked woman’s body.

I’m not going to give you any tips on driving in LA. There are none. The tips that everyone else gives out can be used when driving anywhere. Surely by now you’ve noticed that people with cars generally go to work and get off around the same times everyday. If you can’t stay off the freeways during those times, then you are a fucking idiot who deserves to sit in traffic. Feel free to curse as loud as you can while sitting there, I heard that helps speed things along.

There is a hand signal that is used when driving that I think we should all adopt. I use the hell out of it and I love when I see it being used be others. No, I didn’t invent the signal, but I did give it a name: “The Courtesy Wave” This move is done after someone in another lane allows you to merge over into his or her lane and get in front of them. When done properly, it is so beautiful. If, after signaling, you are granted the space to merge in front of the cooperating automobile, you go ahead and make your way over. Once there, raise your right hand up by the rearview mirror, and give off a little wave. A wave that says: “Thanks, because of your kindness, I will not miss my exit ramp.” ***Note: Do not use your left hand to give the Courtesy Wave, the car will not see it unless your window is down. And I doubt it is because “someone” also once said this city has a smog problem. It’s true, if you breathe it in… you will die.

AJ