Panera Confrontation

The other day I stopped in at the Panera Bread over on Sepulveda to get a ham and swiss on ciabatta bread. It’s a rarity for me to get something different than that because that’s what I like and why should I get anything different. Rhetorical question. Every time I go to Panera there are always three people in front of me who look at the menu as if it was written in a foreign language. I do this little “scoot forward” thing to kind of show them that I already know what I want. Then, the first person finally decides what she wants and steps up to the plate.

That person looks dumbfounded once she realizes that she has an option between an apple, a small piece of bread, or chips. Is that really a choice? Who chooses an apple over chips? Chips? Wendy’s brags because they let you pick something besides fries with your combo. Who doesn’t want fries with their combo? Fries are the only reason that the fast food industry still exists.

First, let me say that I have never kicked anyone in the throat before. Never. The guy in front of me drops a quarter on the ground and walks away. That quarter is now abandoned property and open to the public domain. I don’t care around change in my pocket because I don’t work at a concession stand so if I see a quarter laying there, I think of the future benefit. It turns out that I needed twenty-three cents so I picked up the quarter off the ground.

The cashier smiles when I picked it up and we shared a chuckle together. I start to walk off and this guy comes back looking for his quarter. I guess he was so dehydrated that he had to get his drink before picking up the quarter on the first go round. He asks if anyone has seen the quarter and the cashier totally rats me out. The guy looks at me as if I had just beaten up a handicapped kid with a cane. Then, he resorts to call me an asshole in front of the restaurant.

So, he kind of gives me a quick smirk and walks back to the table to eat his food. I knew I could quickly embarrass this guy, but I also knew that I needed more than a snippy comeback. So, I went to a new cashier and told her to give me twenty dollars worth of change. I filled up a Panera Bread cup with it and proceeded to dump it all over the guy’s food. It was kind of a dick move but it contained so much irony.

Well, the guy follows me outside like we are going to fight in the parking lot or something. He starts mouthing off while his wife is standing behind him screaming. He comes up and takes a swing at me. Are you serious? Eighth grade? The missed swing made him fall to the ground, and it made me drop my iphone. He did this belly move where he dragged himself over to pick up the phone. I really don’t know what he had in mind after he got the phone in his hands, but before he could get it I kicked him in the throat.

LD