Visiting Hollywood

One of my friends from college came out here to stay with me for a week. I actually just dropped him off at LAX about an hour ago. We had a great time catching up, goofing off, and seeing the sights. It’s always the same with every visitor I have. I ask them what kinds of things they want to do while they’re here, then I receive different variations of the following verbal list:

1. “I’ve gotta see that Hollywood sign.”
2. “Where do the celebs hang out?”
3. “Lets walk down that street that has all the stars in the sidewalk”
4. “Do I get to see where you work?”

Ok future visiting friends. We can do whatever you want because it’s your vacation time, and I want you to have fun. But, here are a few reasons why I am tired of doing the things on that list.

1. You want to see the Hollywood sign? You can see it from all over the place. It’s huge, and sitting on the side of a mountain. I can drive you up close enough to snap some pretty good pictures of the thing, but that’s about it. No, we can’t actually walk up to the sign and touch it. They have that thing fenced off and surrounded by surveillance cameras and motion sensors. Being noticed by either one of those will earn you a couple hundred bucks in fines.

2. Celebs are everywhere, and they are just as boring as you and me. The chances you will spot one out here are pretty high, but never guaranteed. When I first moved out here, it took two months before I actually saw one. It was Fred Durst at The Grove. Yeah I know, people use the word “celebrity” very loosely, and Fred is sort of sitting on the fence for me.

3. I don’t know what it is about the Hollywood Walk of Fame, but apparently it has this special power to make homeless people feel less homeless. They’re everywhere. I don’t even like going down there to see my own star, and I paid $15,000 for that damn thing.

4. Yeah, I would love to take you on tour of our Studio. This one is actually fun for you and me both, so it can stay on the list for many years to come. Every studio in town gives really great-organized tours. That was my favorite thing to do when I first got out here, because unlike all the other things on the list, it didn’t make me feel like a touristy piece of shit.

Hmm. That last one got me thinking. I’ve never actually been on one of those organized tours of Studio X. I always just give my own little all-access “walk around with the CEO” version of what I think would be cooler than the actual tour. But, how do I know it’s more fun if I have never been on the real one? I just might have to do that… maybe tomorrow.

AJ