Position Filled

Finally. I got lucky and cast this fucker while Friend was in the Fried Chicken State, or whatever Kentucky’s nickname is. I know California is the Golden State, I forgot the others. Or maybe I wasn’t paying attention. We learned the 50 state’s nicknames in the sixth grade, and that’s when girls started to sprout boobies. What was I supposed to do? Pretend I gave a shit that someone once suggested that Iowa be forever referred to as “The Hawkeye State” in tribute to Indian Leader Chief Black Hawk? No. My classroom was filled with a bunch of once-flat-chested 12-year-old girls who magically erupted into C-cups over the summer break. If Social Studies was that mind blowing, I pinky promise I would have been paying attention.

We decided to go with Jennifer Morrison for the part. She was awesome on the first three seasons of House M.D. The network must have thought so too when they decided to show their appreciation by making her character resign out from under Dr. House and be forced to continue working in a less camera worthy Unit of the same Hospital. Some people over at Fox tried to call me in regards to this decision. I didn’t answer. Of course they left a message flipping out about scheduling conflicts and such, but I don’t think they will have too hard of a time getting in her shots. She has a lousy 45 seconds of screen time or less during each hour-long episode. That’s why I wanted to steal her away. With our studio’s reputation for winning statues, even she will be telling them to go fuck their selves.

Punch me in the face and call me Gumby. I forgot about meeting up with my therapist. I was supposed to be doing this blog so I could stop going to that cunt, now it’s making me miss my sessions. I’m kidding. I love my time with Dr. Houston, but if I catch any lip over this or if she even thinks about telling me to nix the blogging now that I’m actually enjoying it, I will choke slam that overpriced bitch right through her coffee table. Again, I’m only kidding, and not just because I assume she will be reading this, I just thought that situation might be funny: The Coroner shows up on the scene of the murder to meet with his team of Medical Examiners, and they are discussing with LAPD the cause of death. Everyone seems puzzled, but one of the young new guys walks up to the Police Chief after thinking he’s put this whole thing together and says, “Sir, umm, I think she was choke slammed.”

AJ