I Believe I can Fly...

Well, I don’t know if I actually believe that, but I do believe if there were a machine you could buy that made you fly, I would buy it. Who wouldn’t? Remember when those Segways first came out? People were more than willing to pay five grand for a machine that did what? Eliminated walking? Made you look like a Robot? I don’t know, but they were different so people bought them. I did. When I first got mine, I used it to ride around from my office to the sound stages on the studio’s lot. People normally use golf carts around here, so I pulled the whole Segway transportation display as more of a comedic stunt. No one laughed. I should have just rolled up on a Big-Wheel like a true badass. Do they even still make those? It would have saved me a shit ton of money if they did.

Have you ever experienced something so funny that it stays funny forever? No matter how long ago it happened or what you’re doing, you still laugh. The other people in the funeral home are assuming you’ve gone mad for bursting out in random laughter in such a somber setting. But its not your fault, you cant help when and where you are when that brief moment of hilarity decides to resurface. Well I have a story about one of those times.

*** Just so were clear, this is a story about something I’ve witnessed that I continue to think is funny when I re-live that experience, NOT about me thinking of that certain experience and laughing some place I shouldn’t have been laughing. (like a funeral home)

So, back to the Segway... I parked it in the hall and totally forgot about it because it’s stupid and pointless. When I went back for it a few hours later, it wasn’t there. Friend must have found it, took it for a spin, and left it someplace else. I went to his office to see if he knew where it was, but he wasn’t in there. He must have still been out riding that dumb thing around. I tried to find out if anyone had seen where he rode off to, but neither of his assistants were at their desk. In fact, no one was in the office at all. Where the hell was everyone? I looked out the window, and there they were…. all on Segways. He bought one for each person on our entire team. They were following him around on those things from building to building like a pack of water buffalo.

I had to get a closer look. I ran downstairs, jumped on the nearest golf cart, and took off after them. Once I got close enough to see what was really going on, it was just what I expected. He enjoyed the hell out of that thing so much, that he could never imagine a time he wanted to be off of it. As a result, the people he always had around him taking orders and running errands, had to be able to keep up with him to take part in their own abuse. His assistants were keeping up with their normal tasks of answering phones and taking notes, which didn’t look easy standing up at 17mph. His second assistant was writing down a phone number on her hand when she hit a speed bump at an awkward angle. She went down face first on the pavement. And being Friend’s assistant, she was up closest to him in the herd. At least four people from development ran over her before the rest of the team could figure out how to make those things stop. Listen, I know it might have sounded brutally painful to you, but I was there..... Trust me, it was hilarious.

AJ