Branch like Michelle

Friend and I share a passion for both television and film. We tried to split the passion up one time. He was going to take TV, and I was going to take the movies. But we couldn’t do it. We each loved them both too much to part ways. That would be like telling a Divorcee she can only keep one of her two kids, while the other one has to go live with their abusive, alcoholic father. I’m not saying Friend is either abusive or alcoholic, but he has been known to drink a few Heinekens and throw things. One night after a brainstorming session, he launched my saltshaker off the upstairs balcony. The thing damn near cleared an entire city block. I would have been impressed if I didn’t already know he played baseball back in college.

I knew I would never see my saltshaker again, but that magnificent toss got me thinking athletically. (Trust me, this never happens) Sports. What if we started to branch out Studio X? Friend and I had always talked about expansion, and this would be perfect for him. It could be his little personal passion within the studio. And I would have nothing to do with it because I fucking hate sports. Well, I would bang David Beckham’s wife, but that’s about it.

So here we are…two saltshakers later, and a new Sports Branch of the Studio. I was happy for friend because he finally had some people to talk teams and players with. Well, he might call it talking. It looked like yelling to me. Every time I go over there to visit and see how things are running, he's up in some new agent’s face threatening their career. He has all his new employee’s pissing their pants at the very thought of disappointing him. It’s really quite impressive.

So, with friend out ordering around his new team like a bunch of Nazi soldiers, I started to get lonely. Well, not so much lonely…I just wanted something like that to call my own. This problem was solved before it ever really became a problem. The only other form of popular entertainment that wasn’t being represented by our studio was music. I had been a musician all most my entire life, and always thought of it as a Plan B incase this whole film thing never worked out. Fortunately it did work out…very well, and from that point I just kind of left music behind.

Studio X launched its record label just last month, and I’ve actually been out signing artist myself. After it gets old I will let my A&R people start doing it, but right now they just wash my car whenever I tell them to. In college, I would be playing local bar shows with my band, Autifoy, and praying that after each gig, some Label Scout would walk up to us and ask if we wanted to sign a record contract. Well, now I’m that guy, and it’s so fun to have control over another person's fate like that. You may not think it’s fair, but it really is an even trade. I hear something I like; I change the lives of those responsible. See, I knew if I tired hard enough I could make it all the way through a blog without referencing a single pair of boobies. And no, that didn’t count as a boob ref, I checked with the judges.

AJ