Autographing

I think I had always planned on being famous. I used to practice my signature all the time. This started in high school and just turned into an OCD thing over the years. Every time I had something to write with and something else to write on, my signature was sure to follow. Checks were my favorite, but I only got to sign one of those at the beginning of every month. The only thing I needed to write checks for in college was rent. Now I write them almost non-stop. Well, I have someone write them for me, which is almost the same thing. Only now, my assistant has one of those self-inking stamps with my signature on it, and he just slams it down upon my approval. I remember when I had that thing made; I must have signed my name a hundred times trying to get the perfect one for the template.

That’s something I’ve yet to see with a celebrity. I can picture it though, and I laugh when I do. Imagine Justin Timberlake out shopping when he is spotted by a crowd of fans…. all wanting autographs. Timberlake, who is in hurry but still wants to please his admirers, pulls out a self-inking signature stamper and goes to town on them. He makes it through the entire group in under a minute and is back on his way. As practical as that seems, it would never happen. At least not for Justin. He’s way too famous to go out in public like that. He has to have people do his shopping for him. I often wonder how he likes not being able to go out like a normal person. I’m sure at first it might be neat to watch people go ape shit at the very sight of you, but after a while I think it would have to suck.

I’m content with my level of fame. Since I spend all of my time on the other side of the camera, it’s possible for people to not know who I am. I’m fine with that because not only do I make more money than the people in front of the camera, but I get to do something I thoroughly enjoy with a certain level of anonymity. Which is great for me, because I can still have fans that appreciate my work without sacrificing my love for going to the grocery store. I may not be able to dance as well as Timberlake, but at least I can buy my Nutella in peace.

AJ

WGA Strikes Again...I'm having way too much fun with the puns on "Strike"

I rolled into the studios past the picketers again today. It’s kind of annoying to drive around them but is spices up the day a bit. I thought about having one of my assistants set up a cappuccino stand next to them to earn the studio a little more revenue but decided against it. We have to keep up our relationship with these people because they keep the business running. We send food and drinks out all day long and keep feeding them all the Hollywood Trades so they can keep up on the non-business that’s going on in the business right now.

I truly feel that we are the only studio actually doing any work now. I heard Paramount and some of the others were doing some housekeeping chores to keep busy. You know just the old magic Hollywood accountant cooking the books to try and figure out how they can lower back profits off of streaming online content more once the strike ends. I’ve always been of the school of thought that if someone makes you money you better damn well pay them what they deserve.

We were the first studio to start streaming our content online. We saw the digital age coming before Steve Jobs did. That was a joke, Steve. You know what’s sweet about being rich? Apple personally made me a computer where the studios name lights upon the back like the Apple does. I tried to get them to do one with my penis but they said that it looked too much like the twig of the apple so we just left it at that.

I would like to take a quick second to address the irony of extremely rich writers holding up three dollar picket signs attached to popsicle sticks. Now, I know that not every writer in Hollywood is rich, and many of the poorer ones are out there picketing to get the guys that keep taking their jobs more money. But I counted five people I’ve written checks out to that contain quite a few zeros. We have eight people in front of the studio in options deals right now. You wouldn’t believe the number of calls I’ve received from writers who picket in the day and want to keep their writing project going at night. Disloyal bastards. I’m not that much of a dick to make them do that. Well…….I’m not going to give a response to that.

LD

Inspiration

Why do I write? I started writing because I don’t sleep when everyone else does. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. So I just talked to myself. Not out loud, but in the form of words on my computer screen. I’m not crazy; I just have jacked up sleeping patterns. Some really good movies have come from this problem of mine though. That’s how I know I have a passion for this stuff, I don’t think about anything else. Seriously. Break into my thoughts one night if you don’t believe me. Every time I think, it’s about something that would make a great scene, or a clever line of dialogue, or an unbelievable series of shots. I might even go on to recommend doing this if you are uncertain of your passions. Don’t put off sleeping on purpose just because you want to discover what makes you tick. I’m just saying; if you find yourself unable to drift off, you might want to take notice of the things that are keeping you from doing that.

Or don’t, I don’t care. If I took inspiration advice from some of the kids who were studying film with me in college, I would still be back home working at Hollywood Video… or the local multiplex. I heard a few of them were still scooping popcorn there. These kids were all about NOT “selling out.” They were cutthroat artist who hypothetically, could get offered buckets of money for their film if they would only cut it down from 3 hours to 90 minutes and leave out all the bullshit… and they would tell the investors to go fuck themselves. They didn’t care about money, only artistic expression. They wanted people to see their movie for what it was, without making it commercialized. If that meant no one would ever see a single frame, then so be it. They weren’t about to sell out. Well, what they called selling out, I called working. That’s why I went to college: to turn my education into money. In my case, getting paid by the shitloads to make movies.

My advice is to not listen to advice. Listen to good music. Read good books, or do neither. I just contradicted myself by giving out advice that was also contradicting. So, I will just give out recommendations from now on. My first recommendation is that you check out the new CD from one of my favorite bands: Angels and Airwaves. Their new album came out yesterday and is called I-Empire. Do yourself a favor and buy it. Music can be an excellent source of inspiration. That wasn’t advice, it was only a reccomendation. See the difference?

AJ