Visiting Hollywood

One of my friends from college came out here to stay with me for a week. I actually just dropped him off at LAX about an hour ago. We had a great time catching up, goofing off, and seeing the sights. It’s always the same with every visitor I have. I ask them what kinds of things they want to do while they’re here, then I receive different variations of the following verbal list:

1. “I’ve gotta see that Hollywood sign.”
2. “Where do the celebs hang out?”
3. “Lets walk down that street that has all the stars in the sidewalk”
4. “Do I get to see where you work?”

Ok future visiting friends. We can do whatever you want because it’s your vacation time, and I want you to have fun. But, here are a few reasons why I am tired of doing the things on that list.

1. You want to see the Hollywood sign? You can see it from all over the place. It’s huge, and sitting on the side of a mountain. I can drive you up close enough to snap some pretty good pictures of the thing, but that’s about it. No, we can’t actually walk up to the sign and touch it. They have that thing fenced off and surrounded by surveillance cameras and motion sensors. Being noticed by either one of those will earn you a couple hundred bucks in fines.

2. Celebs are everywhere, and they are just as boring as you and me. The chances you will spot one out here are pretty high, but never guaranteed. When I first moved out here, it took two months before I actually saw one. It was Fred Durst at The Grove. Yeah I know, people use the word “celebrity” very loosely, and Fred is sort of sitting on the fence for me.

3. I don’t know what it is about the Hollywood Walk of Fame, but apparently it has this special power to make homeless people feel less homeless. They’re everywhere. I don’t even like going down there to see my own star, and I paid $15,000 for that damn thing.

4. Yeah, I would love to take you on tour of our Studio. This one is actually fun for you and me both, so it can stay on the list for many years to come. Every studio in town gives really great-organized tours. That was my favorite thing to do when I first got out here, because unlike all the other things on the list, it didn’t make me feel like a touristy piece of shit.

Hmm. That last one got me thinking. I’ve never actually been on one of those organized tours of Studio X. I always just give my own little all-access “walk around with the CEO” version of what I think would be cooler than the actual tour. But, how do I know it’s more fun if I have never been on the real one? I just might have to do that… maybe tomorrow.

AJ

Obsession

I became obsessed with working in the entertainment industry in college. I used to be obsessed with being famous but the more I thought it about it, the more I realized that I didn’t want to be famous, I wanted to be noticed. We all want to be noticed for what we do that makes us stand out from everyone else. If all we wanted was to be famous, we’d go shoot up a local gas station to get our fifteen minutes.

When I was developing my strategy for my career in Hollywood, I never thought I would care about an Oscar. I always wanted to write and make comedy movies, but after the desire for money and laughs go away, you’re stuck with wanting more. I wanted to get noticed not just by people with a need to laugh, but by people that knew movies and knew great movies.

Friend and I were not surprised when we got our first Oscar nomination. It didn’t sneak up on us when we weren’t expecting it. We made the movie with the intention of winning an Oscar. No, we didn’t make a strong themed movie like Brokeback Mountain in the hopes of just being different. We made a movie that was real. We made a movie that was so real that it could have passed for a diary of my life.

It was the easiest movie I had ever written because I no longer had to guess what a character felt or what type of music he liked to listen to. I simply looked back at the notes that I had jotted down when going through the worst time of my life and constructed them into a visual story. At the time I was going through it, I never thought that I would actually appreciate the hell that I had to go through. But at the end of the day, I realized that it made me strong and it solidified my career in the entertainment industry.

If you want to turn your struggle into a movie, please send ten thousand dollars to Studio X along with your struggle. We’ll get back to you.

LD

So Many Questions

I have a lot of people ask me: What was the first movie you remember seeing in theaters? That’s easy. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. How about that for an interesting concept: There is this ooze, and it leaked on these 4 turtles and a rat that somehow already knew jujitsu, and it made them grow to human size, then the rat taught the turtles how to fight, and they constantly kicked the ass of this guy who loved to wear shards of metal. You think Marijuana was involved in that creation? Who cares…when I was six, those fuckers were so badass. I dressed up as Leonardo for Halloween four years in a row. I know, I know, four years. I could have been a different turtle each time. But Leo was the assumed leader of the bunch, and blue is my favorite color.

Anyways, I think a better question to ask your favorite director when you see him eating lunch at The Palm is: What movie made you realize that film was art? If you’re going to interrupt his meal, you might as well go for the gold. Find out his core influence. Who gives a shit that my mom took me to see TMNT for my sixth birthday. It wasn’t because of that movie that I am where I am today. I was six. It was because I continued watching tons of movies throughout my life until I got to Donnie Darko. That’s when I realized that I wanted to make movies. I don’t really care to get specific, that movie just knocked me on my ass the first time I saw it. Every director has “that” movie and it’s different for each one of us.

“That” movie is usually different from our favorite movie. At least mine is. My favorite movie is always changing, but I constantly juggle it around with the same five or six movies that I’ve once been quoted saying was my favorite. You have to be careful what you say when you’re asked that. Every time I’m out with someone new, I inevitably ask out of curiosity what his or her favorite movie is. I was out on a date once, and the poor girl said her favorite flick of all time was Harry and the Hendersons. I didn’t know what to say. I took her home right after dinner, and haven’t talked to her since. It’s not like she was missing a limb, or had bad breath; she merely had shitty taste in movies. What a nerdy form of shallowness I have. I guess it’s a good thing I’m in therapy.

AJ