Christmas is Coming

I’m a big fan of Christmas. Apart from the fact that it is the creator of the world’s birthday, I also love Christmas spirit. When my wife and I were dating we went to NYC for a couple times around Christmas and I vowed that when I could afford it I would go to NYC every year before Christmas to get in the spirit and for the last ten years that’s exactly what I have done.

We pack up the little one and take a plane to NYC. I bought a small Condo in the East Village about four years ago and it’s really starting to feel like home. Don’t get me wrong, I love Los Angeles. This is my home, but there’s something about NYC that refuels me. I love seeing my doorman on the way out of the building and walking down the local market to grab a coffee. I love walking the streets and wondering who has walked there before. I love looking at the tourists and seeing their eyes when they walk into Time’s Square for the first time.

We do most of our Christmas shopping in NYC and have the presents shipped back to Brentwood so we don’t have to take them on the plane. I try to go out to NYC at least once a month because the condo is so much easier to manage. All you have to do is walk around the toy stores and see the tree in Rockefeller Center to get in the Christmas spirit.

Last Christmas I bought a new television for our living room. I had a large flat screen and I decided to buy a different one to match a new color scheme my wife was doing in the room. I usually just move the television that I’m not suing anymore into a different room, but I’ve got so many televisions now that it’s really just useless. Between the screening room and other rooms in the house, it’s really just useless.

So I decided last year that I would give the television to someone who could use it. My wife and I looked for a new couple just starting their lives but we really couldn’t find a nice match so I decided to drive to a random house on Christmas night and put the television up for someone. I always wanted to feel like those people on Publisher’s Clearing House so I picked up Friend and we made the drive to a lower income neighborhood.

We drove around for two hours looking for the perfect house. I get out of the car and knock on the door waiting for the perfect Hallmark moment. A man answers the door with a holding a gun in his right hand. I tell him that I mean no trouble and that I am not in fact a cop. I tell him about the television and the thinks it’s some kind of joke. Then, he proceed to tell me that I stole the television and my Range Rover. I insisted that I really wanted him to have it and I was trying to do a nice thing but he kept insulting me.

So, I had Friend follow me to the car and we got the tv and gave it to his neighbor. I hope he never invites that dumbass over to watch tv. People should realize true charity and not question everything all the time. If so you might just end up with a nice television and not envy for your neighbor.

LD

October Baseball

I never thought I’d see the day when it would be ten degrees hotter in NYC than LA in the middle of October. Well it is my friends, and we’re living it. I’m in NYC scouting locations aka going to the Yankees game. I’ve been a Red Sox fan all my life and after catching the sweep in Anaheim yesterday I decided to take the red eye to NYC to watch Joe Torre lose his job. Steinbrenner claims that Torre is gone if he loses the series. He said that to the media before the Yankees are even finished with the series.

Do you have any idea how wonderfully great that is? What if I told the LA Times that if my movie doesn’t make it’s money back the director will never work in this town again before the production started. I’ve always wanted to buy a baseball team. Don’t get me wrong I’m doing pretty well in the money department, but I would have to put up the studio as collateral and Friend wouldn’t be to keen on that idea because he doesn’t really care for the sport.

I’ve got a lot of great ideas to bring fan interest back to baseball. Okay, number one: one game a year I have a midget play shortstop. Even if you hate baseball you would have to come to the game to watch a midget play shortstop. Number two: for one at bat a year the baseball will be switched for a grenade. Spice things up a bit. Number three: first five thousand attendees get a free steroid syringe. Number four: each inning the drunkest member in each section gets the microphone to heckle players in the stadium. Number five: every game we give away something that we know will be thrown on the field at the opposing players, but we still make an announcement not to throw things on the field. We'll have battery give away, and free baseball sunday and free Ninja throwing star tuesday. Okay, I’ve really got to get this production schedule in order. Investors are getting pissed because we haven’t casted it, and we’re really falling behind schedule because the prostitute role is still up in the air.

LD